The widely-used adage ‘you can’t pick your family’ generally translates in to making the best of what you have when you have no choice in the matter. People rarely have the option to choose who provides their mental and physical nourishment, especially children. How we handle relationships with relatives once we reach adulthood is up to us. But, if we have been subject to years of gaslighting or mental manipulation, it can be difficult to discern between what we believe is good for us and what we truly need to thrive. To dissect the cycle of both gaslighting and estrangement, Positive Psychology Podcast Host Lisa Cypers Kamen speaks with a therapist and a researcher about the complex relationships we engage in and disconnect from. Doctor of Psychology, Deborah Vinall offers an in-depth look at gaslighting, describes the key takeaways from her book, Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build Healthy Relationships, and shares the steps people can take to set self-honoring boundaries when confronting a gaslighter. Kristina Sharp, Director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab, at the University of Washington and Michigan State, describes her role as a researcher who studies estrangement from first-hand accounts of those who have severed ties with families and the misguided perception of what a family is as portrayed by American media.

About Lisa’s guests: 

Deborah Vinall is a Doctor of Psychology, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a certified EMDR and Brainspotting practitioner. She specializes in helping individuals heal from traumatic life experiences and painful relationship dynamics, and was awarded the Sandra Wilson Memorial Grant from the EMDR Research Foundation for her research on the impacts and treatment response of survivors of mass shootings across the USA. 

Book: Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build Healthy Relationships

Kristina M. Scharp is an Associate Professor in the Department of Communication at the University of Washington. She received her Phd in Family, Interpersonal, and Health Communication from The University of Iowa in 2014. Kristina researches difficult relationship transitions and the ways people cope with the disruptions to their lives. She is a frequent contributor to the New York Times, NPR, and The Washington Post. Dr. Scharp is a Director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab that is housed both at the University of Washington and Michigan State University.

This episode of Harvesting Happiness Talk Radio is sponsored by: 

Nutrafol —  The new year brings new goals and the practice of self-care is one of the most noble of them all. Millions of Americans experience thinning hair? Nutrifall is 100% drug-free, potent botanicals designed for whole-body health and hair as strong as you are. Achieve hair growth naturally. Use promo code Happiness to save $15 off your first month's subscription. Available to US customers for a limited time with free shipping. 

Native — When we take care of our body, mind, and spirit we tend to be happier folks. I am a devotee of Native clean, simple, and effective personal care products. Native deodorant is all about stopping the stink the right way. Native is on a mission to overhaul your entire hygiene routine with top-notch products. Check out Native ‘Baked by Melissa’, a limited-edition collection that smells good enough to eat. Visit NativeDeo.com/Harvesting or use promo code Harvesting at checkout for 20% off your first order. 

JoyBird — Home should be a hub for happiness. To make your home a happy haven and find furniture that fits your style, check out Joybird Furniture. It is made with scratch and stain-resistant, durable fabrics. Joybird furniture stands by its quality and craftsmanship and is committed to a more sustainable future. Create a space that brings you joy with Joybird. Visit Joybird.com/HAPPINESS to get 30% off your purchase during the New Year sale. If it’s not everything you had hoped for, send it back within 90-days!