The widely-used adage ‘you can’t pick your family’ generallytranslates into making the best of what you have when you haveno choice in the matter. People rarely have the option to choosewho provides their mental and physical nourishment, especiallychildren. How we handle relationships with relatives once wereach adulthood is up to us. But, if we have been subject to yearsof gaslighting or mental manipulation, it can be difficult to discernbetween what we believe is good for us and what we truly need tothrive.To dissect the cycle of both gaslighting and estrangement,Positive Psychology Podcast Host Lisa Cypers Kamen speaks witha therapist and a researcher about the complex relationships weengage in and disconnect from. Doctor of Psychology, DeborahVinall offers an in-depth look at gaslighting, describes the keytakeaways from her book,Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step RecoveryGuide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build HealthyRelationships, and shares the steps people can take to set self-honoring boundaries when confronting a gaslighter. KristinaSharp, Director of the Family Communication and RelationshipsLab, at the University of Washington and Michigan State,describes her role as a researcher who studies estrangement fromfirst-hand accounts of those who have severed ties with familiesand the misguided perception of what a family is as portrayed byAmerican media.

About Lisa’s guests:

Deborah Vinall is a Doctor of Psychology, a Licensed Marriage,and Family Therapist, and a certified EMDR and Brainspottingpractitioner. She specializes in helping individuals heal fromtraumatic life experiences and painful relationship dynamics, andwas awarded the Sandra Wilson Memorial Grant from the EMDRResearch Foundation for her research on the impacts andtreatment response of survivors of mass shootings across the USA. 

Kristina M. Scharp is an Associate Professor in the Departmentof Communication at the University of Washington. She receivedher PhD in Family, Interpersonal, and Health Communication fromThe University of Iowa in 2014. Kristina researches difficultrelationship transitions and the ways people cope with thedisruptions in their lives. She is a frequent contributor to the NewYork Times, NPR, and The Washington Post. Dr. Scharp is aDirector of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab thatis housed both at the University of Washington and MichiganState University